Consulting Conrad: How Do I Do It?

Conrad,

I am a male, in my early 20’s and am a college student. I have always dated girls to this point, but have met a guy, who is smart, articulate, very hot and athletic.  He is also openly gay.  I have found myself daydreaming about him constantly.  I realize now that I am gay, but am not ready to come out of the closet.  I really want to experience my first time with him, but he is out, and very proud of that, and I am afraid that if I approach him, he will either want me to come out, or he may out me.  I am being honest when I tell you I just don’t think I can hold back much longer.  I have never wanted something so bad in my life, but have never been so afraid of having it.  What do I do?

Sleepless in Syracuse.

Dear Sleepless,

There is something really exciting about wanting someone so bad you can taste it. But, (and there’s always a but) there are a few things you need to keep in mind.  First.  As much as you want to “experience” your first time, you have to understand, he may not feel the same. This guy may not be up for compromising his accomplishments of being out, for someone who isn’t willing to do the same.  Coming out takes a lot of courage, and it’s not always easy to deal with closet issues when you have passed that point.  You also need to realize there is a chance you may be “outted”. If this guy is completely out, it could slip, not that it will, but you have to realize it is a possibility. Another point to consider, is he may not be into casual sex.  So, if you decide to approach him, you need to be prepared for possible rejection (but a six-pack and a joint can help eliminate that possibility…LOL).

But seriously, when trying to make important decisions like this, it’s usually best to consider the best case scenario, and the worst case scenario.  Always be willing to accept and live with the worst.  Typically, the result will fall somewhere in between, but nevertheless, be prepared.

My personal reccomendation is to talk to the guy.  Honesty and dialogue does wonders.  Tell him you want to speak to him, and be clear that you are doing so in confidence.  Tell him that you’re very attracted to him, but have not experienced sex with another man.  Make a list of your concerns and share those concerns with him.  Chances are, if nothing sexual happens, its for the best, and you are more than likely going to earn a great dea of respect from this man.  At the very least, you’ll be building a foundation of support for when you do come out and you will probably gain a good friend for life.

Best Wishes!

Conrad

Need some advice, fast and free?  Contact Conrad via email at support@gayagenda.com.  *Conrad is an expert in gay issues offering advice on sex, relationships, coming out, work, home, money and any other issue that affects you as a member of the GLBT community.

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