Robert Ray: GA’s Out at the Workplace – Part V

As part of GayAgenda.com’s “Out in the Workplace” Series, we present to you a commentary from Robert Ray.  You can learn more about Robert at his blog by clicking here.

Some thirty years ago, I worked for a time as a newspaper “lay out” tech. We used to take little pieces of paper, some with bylines, some with ads, and wax the backs and adhere them to paper to construct what was to be photographed and put onto a metal sheet to be used as printing press negatives. It was far from the technology of today, which takes place on a computer and is far easier to construct with cut and paste technology. There was and still is a definite science to putting the construct of a newspaper together. A good deal of thought and talent goes into building a page so that it is attractive to the reader and easy to read. I loved that job, and given my artistic nature, I was very good at it.

I was the third man to join the layout team, which was a team of two for some years before I was hired. The team of two were rather nice guys, but very “blue collar” in many respects. Their favorite conversations were their cars, their beer after work, and their sexual conquests. Boring, but always good for a laugh or two.

There was a very sweet Irish kid that worked in another room; he ran the headline machine, which printed out large fonts for titles of articles and the headline for the paper. He was gay, and his gaydar told him that he and I had a great deal in common. I was very young, and rather inexperienced in gay life at that time, but he gently befriended me and made me his compatriot. It was a friendship, not a sexual relationship, but he was so kind and so warm, a good friend to have.

Once that friendship took root, the team of three became divided. The other two guys were rather “displaced” by my newfound friendship with the guy from the headline machine, and they “clocked” us and the obvious homophobic tendencies began to surface. We ended up them against me. One day, I was pulled into the office by a very sad and somber manager who promptly fired me without being honest as to why I was being let go. It was obvious that it was because I worked in close proximity to two men who were rabidly homophobic.

Fast-forward the thirty-year time frame to the present. It’s a different world out there. When I look back, I give thanks for the opportunity to have felt the sting of prejudice; it helped me to grow into who I am today. I take no hostages these days. I am intolerant of homophobia, as I rightly should not put up with that immature and distasteful behavior, but I am always respectful of others too.

I’ve had a couple of careers since then. I served as a Priest. Well, no homophobia there for a very long while. That’s changed, and while a majority of Priests are gay, they are back in their closets until all the doors are closed and they are back in the fold of their Priestly community, as long as there are no homophobic Priests in that community. They have their own witch-hunt still going on. What a difficult and horrible existence to taint such a beautiful and peaceful calling. Not for me. I’m not going back into a closet.

I’ve worked as a cosmetologist, in Boca Raton for most of that career. No conflict there. My life partner works in that field also, and for most of my years at it we worked together. People were and are fond of us as a couple and there was always much support from the clients, they rather expect it from male cosmetologists. It is a comfortable feeling to be out and accepted, without a doubt. As for the growing number of heterosexual males finding their way into that field, it became my joy to playfully torture them, in my out and proud fashion. It helped them to build the tolerance that they need to survive in that field of work. We ended up becoming very respectful of one another, but that is still an industry unto itself. It is not the norm, by far.

Now I work as a researcher in Alternative Fuel. I became a self-educated specialist in splitting water into its component gases of hydrogen and oxygen to use as fuel for internal combustion engines. As project coordinator and Chief Technology Officer, I built a team of mostly gay men and women, and the heterosexuals on that team have had to be tolerant, or they are OUT of a job opportunity. I am intolerant of intolerance, and in this world, it is reason enough to fire someone for bad behavior.

In that job, I have the opportunity to interface with Scientists and Engineers. I make no bones about being a gay man, as one opportunity arose for someone to OUT ME. I took up the daggers and defended my right to be me without any compromise to self or to society, and I offered NO apologies for being gay. That is still easier when you come from a place of strength. Being the main person with the knowledge, I had to be respected, or they were the ones to go, not me.

As for my brothers and sisters in gay life, I have a few words of advice. It is essential that we go to work each day with a definitive and obvious self-respect and respect for others. That is essential, gay or not. That’s rule number one. Rule number two is to be proud, without being in their face. That is an art, and becomes easier with maturity. Rule number three, become the very best at what you do, so much so that you too are not replaceable. And rule number four is that if it ever does become an issue, you don’t back down, you don’t lose your cool, you remain respectful, but you get right in front of their faces and lay down the law. “I work with you, I respect you, and as an out and proud gay man or woman, I demand your respect for me and will not put up with any bullshit. Plain and simple, I will defend my right to be myself and demand you respect me for it.”

If you have ever studied any form of philosophy or sociology, you will note that social changes and changes of what is perceived to be moral issues take time. We have been on a fast track here in the United States, and things have changed radically in a very short time since Stonewall. That’s good for us, but it’s also a bit of a rocky place where we stand. The wrong moves make it easy for them to build resistance to us. This is why it is so important for us to remain decently respectful of self and others.

If you have questions, or feel the need for advice, you can always email me at: robertfray@me.com. I’ll be happy to be of help to you, and wish you peace in the workplace and a life filled with self-affirming happiness.

Cheers!

Check out the rest of the “Out in the Workplace Series” right here on GayAgenda.com.