Out in the Workplace Part I - A GayAgenda Series

The year was 2003 and the day was June 23rd. I was living in Tampa, Florida and was working a 9 to 5 as a service manager trying to save enough money to go back to school.  It was about 10:00 a.m. when the general manager, called me into his office.  There across the desk from the GM, very relaxed, sat the manager of another department.  Something seemed odd, but before I had too much time to think about it the General Manager blurted out the question, “Are you gay?”  At first I didn’t answer. The situation seemed so surreal.  It was only seconds later however when I was snapped back into reality.  My supervisor quickly reiterated the question and without hesitation said, “and don’t lie, because I know the answer.”  So, without prolonging this seemingly pointless conversation, I simply replied, “yes”.  It was at that exact moment, I knew something was wrong as the room became not only silent, but also very still, much like the calm before a storm.  A few seconds later (which seemed to be hours) the silence was broken by the words, “well….you’re fired”.  I know it must have been the look on my face that prompted the GM to begin some rhetoric about how the company didn’t endorse or support that lifestyle.  I really don’t remember exactly what was said at that point, it all sounded like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah to me.  I do remember however, the GM telling me he would have security accompany me to my office to clear out my desk of any personal belongings and I would be paid through the end of the day.  Then, a very strange thing happened.  The general manager extended his hand outward as to shake my hand.  I’m not really sure how what happened next actually happened.  It must have been some odd involuntary muscle contraction, but my right arm folded at the elbow, my hand extended up towards the ceiling and my middle finger immersed from the rest.  Without saying a word, I turned, walked back to my office, gathered my things, and left.  After I left, my initial state was shock.  Then I became sad, then I became angry, then I became very thirsty…and all within about one hour.  So, I put the top down on my jeep, put a six-pack in a cooler and headed for the beach.

Fortunately, my skills were pretty marketable, and I actually secured a better paying job within 2 weeks.  I never fully realized the negative economic impact that could have arisen from this situation.

Shortly thereafter, something began to change inside of me.  The anger I felt began to manifest.  It grew quickly, but not with the negative implications that so often accompanies anger. Instead, I became determined.  Determined to never again be complacent.  I felt violated.  I thought, how is it, in this day and age, in 33 states, you can still be fired for being a member of the GLBT community? I also wondered why we have no legal recourse to rely on? I vowed right then and there, to fight for equal rights.  I would fight for human rights.  I would challenge those who oppose the GLBT community. But most of all, I vowed to never put myself in this situation again.

So many times, members of the GLBT community are forced to hide in the closet at work.  We are not afforded the same comforts such as a portrait of our partner on our desk.  We’re forced to listen to our co-workers speak of their families and what they did over the weekend, and yet, we are not at liberty to share.

I have heard from several people in the GLBT community how they don’t feel it’s important to be out at work.  I have heard people say that their personal lives don’t intertwine with their jobs.  Well, I strongly disagree.  For one, when your work supports your personal life, as it does in every case, then yes, it intertwines.  Secondly, I have a strong feeling those who don’t feel it is important to be out at work, don’t really feel that way.  Perhaps they are just afraid what happened to me will happen to them?  Even if they’re not fearful of being fired, perhaps they feel another form of discrimination will pounce upon them.  Maybe they will be passed up for a promotion, or even ostracized by co-workers.  Unfortunately, these fears are very real. Just as unfortunate however, staying in the closet will never help to improve the situation.

I completely understand when you rely on your paycheck to live (and that includes most people) then perhaps it’s in your better interest to not place your livelihood in jeopardy by unveiling your sexual orientation.  However, when looking at the other side of that coin, if everyone who is in GLBT community would come out, a lot of people who would have to be fired.  Bottom line, unless you absolutely love your job (and if that’s the case then you’re probably out at work) then you should consider seeking employment in a gay friendly environment.

There are several resources such as the HRC, to help you locate those companies.  Always have a plan B.  Even if you don’t think it will happen to you, it could. In the competitive job market today, many members of the GLBT community have the upper hand.  Not only are we statistically more educated than our straight counterparts, but also many of us don’t have the restrictions of a family, which allows us to be more attentive to our work, miss less days of work, and be closer to fully vested.

I feel pretty safe in stating equality is something everyone should have.  Unfortunately we (the GLBT community) are not there.  As I’ve mentioned before, it doesn’t always take grand gestures to make great impacts.  So often we feel we’re not capable of making a difference because we are only one.  That’s far from reality however.  You can make a difference.  You don’t have to organize rallies, or make speeches to promote awareness and change (although that would be great) but you can start by sharing with one person.  A dear friend of my once said during an awards ceremony, “Whether your know it or not, someone you love is gay.  Whether you know them or not, someone gay is fighting for rights for which we will all benefit.”  You too can be that person fighting for rights.  Challenge a co-worker who makes a derogatory remark about being gay.  Lead by example and speak about gay rights.  Talk to your boss about equal rights.  Find out how you can have an activist speak at your place of employment.  Stand up for what you believe.  Also, the best time to come out is when you’re interviewing for a job.  Ask point blank the companies policy on GLBT issues.  If they are a good employer, it won’t be an issue and they won’t mind. If they are a good employer, they will think better of your for being honest about what you stand for.  If you are able to show that degree of honesty with a potential employer, chances are it will be a positive reflection of your person.  It truly is the small efforts that produce grand results.  Do what you can to dispel the stereotypes, and break the chain of silence. The world can be better, one person at a time.

This is just the beginning.  This is Part I of the GayAgenda series, “Out in the Workplace”.   Check back as you’ll get to read GA exclusive interviews with people such as former NBA star John Amaechi and Tucson’s openly gay Vice-Mayor Karin Uhlich as well as stories from readers like you.

If you have a story about job related discrimination or being out at work (good or bad) that you would like to share, please submit it in writing to james@vibemedia.net.