Ask a Mexican - Voting is Gay

Dear Mexican: I know you’ve been asked variations of this before, but I’m going to ask you again anyway. I’m a gay white guy and I’ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the last seven years. Each lasted from three to six months. This past relationship actually lasted a year and culminated with us moving in together for a month before it ended badly.

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World-Class Life Coaching For America’s LGBT Communities

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Consult Conrad: Straight Answers For Gay People

GayAgenda.com is proud to present Consulting Conrad*.  Conrad is an expert in gay issues offering advice on sex, relationships, coming out, work, home, money and any other issue that affects you as a member of the GLBT community.

Need some advice, fast and free?  Contact Conrad via email at support@gayagenda.com.

*The views given from this source do not reflect or represent the views of GayAgenda.com. The users of this service agree to hold GayAgenda.com and the responses to questions submitted, free and clear of liability.  Questions may be deleted without being answered according to contact deemed inappropriate by GayAgenda.com staff.  GayAgenda.com  holds the right to publish any questions submitted and responses to those questions.

Thank you for Consuting Conrad.

Consulting Conrad: How Do I Do It?

Conrad,

I am a male, in my early 20’s and am a college student. I have always dated girls to this point, but have met a guy, who is smart, articulate, very hot and athletic.  He is also openly gay.  I have found myself daydreaming about him constantly.  I realize now that I am gay, but am not ready to come out of the closet.  I really want to experience my first time with him, but he is out, and very proud of that, and I am afraid that if I approach him, he will either want me to come out, or he may out me.  I am being honest when I tell you I just don’t think I can hold back much longer.  I have never wanted something so bad in my life, but have never been so afraid of having it.  What do I do?

Sleepless in Syracuse.

Dear Sleepless,

There is something really exciting about wanting someone so bad you can taste it. But, (and there’s always a but) there are a few things you need to keep in mind.  First.  As much as you want to “experience” your first time, you have to understand, he may not feel the same. This guy may not be up for compromising his accomplishments of being out, for someone who isn’t willing to do the same.  Coming out takes a lot of courage, and it’s not always easy to deal with closet issues when you have passed that point.  You also need to realize there is a chance you may be “outted”. If this guy is completely out, it could slip, not that it will, but you have to realize it is a possibility. Another point to consider, is he may not be into casual sex.  So, if you decide to approach him, you need to be prepared for possible rejection (but a six-pack and a joint can help eliminate that possibility…LOL).

But seriously, when trying to make important decisions like this, it’s usually best to consider the best case scenario, and the worst case scenario.  Always be willing to accept and live with the worst.  Typically, the result will fall somewhere in between, but nevertheless, be prepared.

My personal reccomendation is to talk to the guy.  Honesty and dialogue does wonders.  Tell him you want to speak to him, and be clear that you are doing so in confidence.  Tell him that you’re very attracted to him, but have not experienced sex with another man.  Make a list of your concerns and share those concerns with him.  Chances are, if nothing sexual happens, its for the best, and you are more than likely going to earn a great dea of respect from this man.  At the very least, you’ll be building a foundation of support for when you do come out and you will probably gain a good friend for life.

Best Wishes!

Conrad

Need some advice, fast and free?  Contact Conrad via email at support@gayagenda.com.  *Conrad is an expert in gay issues offering advice on sex, relationships, coming out, work, home, money and any other issue that affects you as a member of the GLBT community.

*The views given from this source do not reflect or represent the views of GayAgenda.com. The users of this service agree to hold GayAgenda.com and the responses to questions submitted, free and clear of liability.  Questions may be deleted without being answered according to contact deemed inappropriate by GayAgenda.com staff.  GayAgenda.com  holds the right to publish any questions submitted and responses to those questions.

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Consulting Conrad: Is My Boyfriend Cheating?

Conrad,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years now.  For the most part, it has been really good, that is to say, I love him very much, and the good by far outweighs the bad, but we’ve had an issue with trust in the past.  I was away at my Father’s funeral last year, and when I returned, I found an outgoing text message on his phone asking someone if they wanted to “hook up”.  When I confronted him about it, he became very defensive, and it wasn’t a very nice conversation.  Although he never admitted to cheating, he did say it was “poor judgment” on his behalf.  I really love this guy, and want to trust him, but this, along with a couple previous incidents, made it increasingly difficult.  We ended up going to a counselor, who told us we should have a certain time of “transparency” in our relationship to build trust.  By transparency, he meant I should be able to check my boyfriends phone for odd messages, calls, etc., for a period, then once the trust was built, it shouldn’t be an issue.  I thought we had agreed.  However, since then, my boyfriend keeps his phone turned off when I am around, and usually hidden when in the shower, etc.  One day recently, he did leave it out, so I did go to check it.  Come to find out, he has placed a lock on it so you have to enter a code to use the phone.  This means I was not able to check it.  Here lies the problem.  I really was beginning to trust him again, but now, I feel as though he’s hiding something from me.  Obviously he doesn’t want me to see who is calling, who he is calling, or his text messages.  I love this man greatly, and am not ready to give up, but am very sad.  I feel like it’s strike two, and there is only one left.  I have not confronted him about this because I feel it will just turn into an argument, which I don’t want. I also don’t want to be kept in the dark.  If there is something going on, I want to know so I can move on.  Please give me some advice.

Sincerely,

Feeling like a Mushroom

Dear Mushroom,

This is a very difficult situation you are in.  Being with someone for over 3 years is quite an investment.  If it had been 3 months, I would say, MOVE ON NOW!  However, it sounds like perhaps the issue lies deeper within your boyfriend than it does you.  As much as I understand your not wanting to cause a scene through confrontation, you will have to confront this issue.  He obviously didn’t heed the advice of your counselor, and to be honest, if he had nothing to hide, he would try to do everything in his power to reassure you and rebuild that trust.  It would appear to me you are putting forth the effort, and he is just maintaining status-quo.  As difficult as this may be, you’re going to have to CONFRONT THE ISSUE!  Ask him about it.  If you don’t get a satisfactory answer, you may need to consider this “strike three” and be out.

As cliche as it may sound, life is short. Don’t waste time being hurt.  Even though relationships are a lot of hard work, and many times one side puts forth more effort than the other, they are also 2-way streets.  If you have good reason not to trust this man, and he knows that, then his actions are speaking loud and clear.  If it appears he is hiding something, then chances are, he is!  Only you have the power to change this situation.  Don’t let things control you, that you can not control.  As hard as it is, to lose a 3 year investment, its time for you to stand up and take control.  If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship.  If your boyfriend is not willing to take the steps needed to build that trust, then he is not fully vested in this relationship.  Again, confront the issue objectively.  Give him an opportunity to explain, but beware, if it smells like dog poop, then it is dog poop, and it’s time to clean up the mess and move on.  Put your heart aside, and you may find you already have the answer.

Best Wishes Always,

Conrad

Need some advice, fast and free?  Contact Conrad via email at support@gayagenda.com.  *Conrad is an expert in gay issues offering advice on sex, relationships, coming out, work, home, money and any other issue that affects you as a member of the GLBT community.

*The views given from this source do not reflect or represent the views of GayAgenda.com. The users of this service agree to hold GayAgenda.com and the responses to questions submitted, free and clear of liability.  Questions may be deleted without being answered according to contact deemed inappropriate by GayAgenda.com staff.  GayAgenda.com  holds the right to publish any questions submitted and responses to those questions.