Eat, Drink and be Healthy and Gay

But what if people, especially people fighting for gay and transgender equality, followed through on taking better physical and emotional care of themselves? Would that not only help the individual but the entire gay civil rights movement?

Read the entire post at Southern Voice!

The Shame List: Amendment 2 Backers - Public Record

JaySays has compiled a list of those who supported Florida’s ban on gay marriage. The list is based upon public records and information provided by the campaigns for Yes on 8 and/or Yes on Amendment 2. The list includes individuals and organizations that publicly endorsed Florida’s Amendment 2 - the Anti-Marriage Amendment to ban same gender civil marriages.

Find the list by clicking here at JaySays.com!

An Emphatic No to Buget Cuts and Gay Marriage

State Senator Rubén Díaz Sr., who has never been shy about expressing his opinions, has sent a letter to residents complaining about Gov. David A. Paterson’s plans for cutting the state budget and reiterating his opposition to same-sex marriage.

In the letter, Senator Díaz, a Bronx Democrat and a Pentecostal minister, said that the proposed cuts would reduce financing for programs for the elderly and health care services and that those cuts would lead to hospital closings.

Read the rest at Good as You!

Tim & Troy: Age is Just a Number?

capurroantonio@gmail.com

At first I approached  Troy because I was thinking about interviewing a young gay blogger and wanted to know about “his gay life, his boyfriend and much more”.  But then I thought it would be perfect to interview both.

Tim and Troy are a very nice couple living in Miami. Tim is 40 years old and Troy 24.  Even with the difference in age, they have lived together for the past 5 years and are very happy.  They have continued to learn from each other, sharing, trusting and understanding with a lot of communication.

I am glad to see more gay couples coming out with pride and maturity in order to show others their love and lives. If there something other gay couples can learn is to be who you are.  A great example to follow as this gay couple. Tim works for Coca Cola and Troy in real state.  Troy has also started a blog that you can visit by clickin here.

Troy is very funny and with a nice sense of humor. I can’t wait to see what he says in his post “I just got finished with an hour-and-a-half session with Antonio C. Hopefully I didn’t bore the shit out of him, haha!”

Living a relationship is not easy as you face challenges and make mistakes.  You grow up and learn as Tim and Troy did. Come with us to on a journey into their lives, getting to know more about a gay couple opening their lives to GayAgenda .

First Tim:

Hi Tim! I am glad you accepted the interview from GayAgenda.

Thank you, I’m very excited to be doing this.

I bet you are, is your first time being interviewed?

Actually, yes.

Tell us more about you…

I’m 40 years old. I’ve worked for Coca Cola for almost 20 years. I’ve lived in Florida my whole life and love it.

You are 40 and Troy is 24, how does the age difference affect your relationship?

Well, I’m smart and he’s dumb, so I decided to give him a little direction, just kidding. I’ve always liked younger men. I know that sounds bad, but it’s not like that. We met at a club here in our area and I was introduced to him through a mutual friend. Needless to say I liked him at our first meeting, but I never imagined it would have lasted this long.

What do you need to do to make a gay relationship to work? I ask this because as gay men, we don’t have a great deal of examples as we mostly have grown up in straight families.

Honesty, trust and to not have a relationship based around sex.

Do you have a lot in common with each other?  Did that help you make the decision to live together?

We didn’t have, and we still don’t have, many things in common. I went to the next level with Troy because I felt the trust and honesty. I really enjoyed his company and wanted to be with him all the time. When we first met I actually had a room mate.

After about 5 months, I felt it was time to go to the next level and I asked him if he would like to move in with me. Since then we’ve lived together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s so funny, we don’t have a lot of things in common yet we still love each other and have fun with each other. I guess opposites do attract.

What was the first thing you liked about your partner? What attracted you to him?

His looks, of course The second and one of my most important things I like in a guy was his masculinity.

So you got the whole package…LOL!

Not so much by things in common, but with love and trusting. But believe me, I was careful. I’ve had past relationships with other guys and they didn’t work out with other younger guys…

Were you looking to settle down and find Mr. Right when you met him?

Yes. I don’t like being single. In fact, I don’t think any man likes being single. Plus the fact that I was 35 at the time, I was ready to settle down and find the man I’d spend the rest of my life with.

What have you sacrificed to make your relationship work?

I sacrificed going out with my friends. They were older. I felt like we were on different levels as far as the conversations we would have. I mean, a difference of 16 years is a lot of time and a whole other maturity level. He was incredible mature for his age I just thought the conversations he would be listening to would have bored him out of his mind.

So that were your major concerns?  Did you think about adjusting to his young friends also?

It’s easier for older people to talk to younger people, but harder for younger people to relate to older people in general. Of course older people have experienced more than a younger person. I ‘m very outgoing. The night I met him at the club he was with a big group of his friends. I was able to speak with them with ease. I decided to fray away from hanging around my friends because I didn’t want him to be totally bored out of his mind that he didn’t feel comfortable.

After that night in the club, when was the first real date and how was it? Did you take him some special place?

Our first real date I took him to eat at a Mongolian barbecue place in Panama City. It ended up becoming our special restaurant that we would go to on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, the restaurant is now closed. We had a great time. He was nervous though since I was his first “real” date. He had gone on dates and what not, but no one ever took him out to eat at a nice restaurant.

How was your coming out process, was it easy for you?

No, definitely not. To tell you the truth, I grew up (and still live) in the “country.”

My family is religious. They accept who I am, but do not speak of it. My family knows I’m gay. The only person who I’ve never spoken about it to is my father. I’ve talked about it with everyone in my family but him.

Did you take to Troy to a family meeting?

Troy’s been to my families’ house before. He doesn’t go over regularly since he feels uncomfortable that they are not as accepting as his family.

That is very sad to hear, how do you feel about it?

Well, I don’t like it very much. But since my father’s brother died of aids, I don’t want to rub it in his face.

Are you going to do something to make it change?

With him, I’m almost positive he knows about me. But, I’m not going to tell him unless he comes out and asks me.

Maybe a good thing would be slow and step by step. They need to process it and educated after all when you came out of the closet they came out with you too.

That’s true; however, my dad is very old fashioned.

When did you realize you were gay? Who did you tell it first?

I knew when I was young. I didn’t tell anyone until I was 28. I told my best friend at the time, Kim, that I was gay. It was funny, she snuck away from her home one day, and her husband came looking for her at my house and he though she was cheating on him with me.

Boy wasn’t he in for a treat when I sat him down and told him I was gay. He was one of my friends as well and we grew up together. We slept in the same bed many times when we used to go out partying. It was hilarious when his wife threw that in his face.

Did you suffer because hidden your sexuality?

Oh yeah. Going out night after night with my straight friends and always ending up at my house alone was very depressing.

What has been the most difficult time you have had with Troy in these five years?

I think having to deal with his best friend Laura. I felt like she was a little jealous because it always used to be her and him. I mean they both even have a website at www.afagandhishag.com lol They were supposed to move in together and he ended up moving in with me and they ended up not talking for 2 months.

What did you learn from him?

Just because someone is young, it doesn’t mean you can’t trust them.

I’ve been in a few relationships with younger guys and there was absolutely no trust.

But with him, it’s there.

You work for Coca Cola.  Have you taken him to business meetings and introduced him as your partner?

No I haven’t.

Would you like to have the opportunity to do so?

The opportunity is there. I just don’t like being the centre of attention. And that’s what I would be, something for everyone to talk about.

Right now, gay marriage is a big issue in your country.  Would you like to get married?  Also, what do you think you can expect from your government in the way of gay rights?

I don’t want to get married as a marriage. I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman. But, I would like to have a civil union. When you say “marriage” I see a man standing in a tuxedo and a woman standing in a wedding gown. I believe gay men and women deserve the same rights that come with the term “marriage” but I do think it should be called something else. It’s not the way I was educated. It’s the way I see it. I don’t want to see Troy in a dress. I’m not trying to offend anyone; I just think that a civil union between a man and a man or women and a woman should have a different term other than marriage.

When was the happiest moment in your life as a couple?

There pretty much all happy times, except when we argue. Lol

What do you do after you argue?  Who is the first to give it up and surrender?

It’s usually Troy. I’m extremely stubborn. I like to joke when I say “I’m always right.” but I really feel that way. lol

What is the best compliment he has given you and what is the best compliment you have given him?

He tells everyone that I’m really good at building things. The best compliment I’ve given him was that he’s got a really nice booty. lol

What plans do you have for the future or are you just living the present? Would you like to raise kids?

I don’t want kids. I don’t want them to have to go through what I went through.

Did you ask him what he wants?

Yes, and he does.

Are you the kind of person that gives others their space? How does it works with you guys?

Yes, I think giving a significant other their space is vital in a relationship. Being able to spend time with my friends without confrontation from him, and him doing the same, is what makes our relationship work. It all goes back to the trust.

What advice could give to young gay people considering there a lot suffering because they often hide who they are or just live as fast they can?

I don’t want to tell them when is right to come out, it basically depends on the individual and where they are in their life. If they tell there parents and they get kicked out, it’s not good. But, at the same time, there suffering. My advice is telling someone you trust that you’re gay. If they ever have a problem, that’s who they need to go to until they are able to support them self.

You said a relationship doesn’t need to be based in sex, but what do you recommend to gay couples in order to keep a relationship alive?

I don’t know. I think we are different from many relationships. We’re very comfortable in our relationships and we both have hobbies.

It was my pleasure to know you.

Thank you for my first interview

Now Troy:

Hi Troy! I am glad you accepted the interview. Is this your first time being interviewed? How does it feel?

Well, this is my first “personal” interview. I’m kind of excited!

The first time is always filled with excitement and nervousness.  Were you like that on your first date with Tim?

To say the least, yes. Tim was my first “official” date. I’ve dated other guys but didn’t do the sacred “intimate dinner.” Hahaha

Was Tim your first man?

You mean first boyfriend? Yes, I guess you could say that. I dated a guy from Pensacola, FL but that didn’t go very far. Long distance relationships don’t work for me.

Did you think since the beginning the relationship that it would work out as well as it has? What kind of expectations did you have?

It’s kind of funny the way it happened. We ran in to each other at a gay bar and I was hammered. I was introduced to him through a mutual friend and I was sloppy drunk. I’m surprised he even called me the next day, haha. After we dated for a couple of months I was glad I went for an older guy. Tim isn’t wealthy by any means; most people would think that’s why I went for an older man. It couldn’t be more opposite, lol. I fell in love with Tim because I needed a man who was more mature than men who were my age at the time.

How easy was it for you to make the decision to live with him?

Being that young I was really excited to be moving out of the family’s house, but I was also excited that I was moving in the direction of a serious relationship.

Were you scared about the new things you were going to face like responsibilities? What did you parents think about your decision?

I was scared of the responsibilities for sure. I mean, leaving the comfort of the home you’ve lived in for years is kind of a surreal experience. But I was totally up for the challenge. My parents didn’t know I as gay at the time. They thought I was moving out with one of my friends from school and they thought he was my room mate. They also didn’t know Tim at the time.

When did you tell them? How was your coming out process?

Ok, my coming out process is lame, incredibly lame, lol. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like confrontation no matter what kind. It could be about your stinky socks, your whining dog, or being gay… So, instead of calling my parents or telling them straight to their face

I sent my whole family letters telling them I was gay. LOL. But you know what, whatever works, right?

Everybody has a style and yours was original. I liked it.

I received a call from both my parents on the same day and both told me pretty much the same thing. “I thought I taught you your whole life that I love you no matter what.” I have wonderful loving parents, even if I hated them when I was growing up.

How much time did you take before you introduced Tim? How was that meeting?

Oh man, from the time I moved out to the time I came out to my parents was about 5 months. It took an additional 3 months for me to build up the courage to take Tim to visit my father. Both my biological parents are divorced. My dad lives about 30 minutes from me and my mother [at the time] lived in California. My dad was so supportive when he first met Tim. It was great. I believe he went over for Thanksgiving? Both my dad and Tim love Football. It’s their favorite sport. So of course they had a blast discussing who was going to win the SEC. My mom got to meet Tim during the summer last year. She absolutely loves him. I mean, my mom calls here and talks to him for like 30 minutes and then he’ll say “Hey, your mom wants talk to you.” and she’ll only talk to me for maybe a minute lol.

Do you feel at a disadvantage with Tim because the difference of age?

If there’s one thing I can tell someone looking to date an older person it’s this: be prepared to deal with their ego. They always think they’re right because they’re older.

Granted they’ve gone through life a lot longer than us, but remember folks, you’re not ALWAYS right.

I think that’s normal because they have more experience.  What has he taught you and what have you taught him?

I think I taught him that he can trust a younger partner again. I would never cheat on anyone, and apparently, many younger men have cheated on him. He’s taught me that you can’t always stress about things. One of the worst killers in the world is stress. It causes cancer, heart attacks, brain damage, etc. He’s taught me that no matter what happens, just go with it. You won’t even care about it tomorrow.

Tim said he didn’t want to bore you with his old friends. Did you feel that way?

At the beginning, I felt there would be no connection between our friends. Honestly, I’m what 15 or 16 years younger than him? Well, so are my friends. lol. But we’ve been able to bridge the gap pretty well. Tim’s a very young 40. When I first met him, I thought he was 25, so you get the picture. And I’m very mature for my age. I get told that all the time. They say I’m a 40 year old trapped in a 24 year old body. haha. So it works out for us. We may be special.

I bet he feels younger with you.  How many things do you guys do together? Do you have similar hobbies and interests?  How does it work? Do you respect your own space? Do you have boundaries?

We are complete opposites. He likes to build things with his hands; you know, decks, doghouses, etc. I’m an online entrepreneur. I’m always thinking of ways I can build an online business. Recently, I’ve started my own blog. www.afagandhishag.com. I’m hoping it becomes popular and I can make a living writing like a journalist. But, as they say, opposites attract. It’s what makes us sane. He’s usually out side working on stuff while I’m working on stuff inside. It’s perfect because we never step on each others toes - much, lol. And we do respect each others privacy and space. He has friends he likes to hang out with, so do it. We don’t have problems going out without the other going. I usually have weekends off anyway and he doesn’t, but the times we have off together we go and do something together.

How do you guys celebrate anniversaries?

We usually don’t celebrate anniversaries in huge ways. We like to just go eat lunch together and have dinner together. Nothing special.

Do you like that he surprises you?

You know, I usually hate surprises, but I haven’t had any from him lately. So, I’d really enjoy one.

LOL!  Are you complaining? What did you study? What are your plans for the future?

Not complaining, just hinting to him. I’ll let him read this later, haha About our plans for the future who knows… One day I’d like to have kids. And he will whether he likes it or not, lol.

Some people keep things to themselves. Do you guys tell everything to each other?

We’ve been very open about our past. He knows everything about me and the same with him. It’s the only way to have a relationship. If you hide anything, you’re relationship will suffer and potentially end.

What is your major ambition?

I enjoy being a journalist, not sure if I could do it as a career. I started my website because I wanted to share my thoughts with everyone. It’s a way for me to vent and a way for me to speak to people. I’m hoping that one day my website will be really popular and that I can reap what I sowed. On the other hand I love my current job. I’m an office manager for a real estate company and I enjoy it very much. I have one of the most amazing bosses one could ever have. She’s truly one of my best friends and hopes to keep her as one for the rest of my life.

Did you come out at work? Would you like to introduce Tim?

Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. They accept me with open arms. Tim’s been to my work several times and everyone loves him to death.

What was the most difficult thing to face as a partner after all this time together?

The most difficult thing I’ve faced while being together with him was when I came out to my parents. It was extremely hard to write that letter to them. I remember lying in my bed until 1:00am to 2:00am unable to fall asleep because all I wanted to do was tell them. Every night I would wake him up and tell him I can’t sleep and he told me I need to face the facts and tell them. I ended up getting the courage to send off the letters and looking back I wish I would have done it sooner.

You are a young gay living in a historic moment in your country? What do you expect from the new government? Did you participate in any GLBT movements?

You’re probably going to hate me, but I didn’t. I really wish I had. I did let everyone know (as in my straight friends) that they needed to voice their opinion against Amendment 2. If you’re not sure what amendment 2 is it was basically banning gay unions in Florida?

I believe in equality and what happened in regards to Amendment 2 and Proposition 8 kills me. I don’t want to come off cocky but I deserve the same rights as a straight couple.

I pay my taxes, I put in to social security, I volunteer for many charities and organizations, yet I’m denied the basic rights that a man and a woman can get? It’s sad that people even have to think about not giving someone the same rights as the other. People like to say it’s not a civil rights issue, but it is. I’m sure if we told ALL women, no matter gay or straight, that they are again no longer allowed to vote, they would be in an uproar. Or if we told straight couples that they are no longer receiving the benefits of marriage but gay couples were. They would be incredibly mad.

So you would like to get married?

I would love to tie the knot with Tim. I don’t care what they call it. They can call it “cow patties” for all I care; I just want the rights that come with the term.

I would LOVE to have cow patties with Tim… lol!

Do you like to dream about the future or do you like living the present?

I dream about the present and the future. More of the future thought. I love technology and everything that comes with it.

There are a lot of GLBT youth who commit suicide because depression brought on by being gay? What would you like to tell them?

Don’t do it. I haven’t told many people this but there was a time when I thought about suicide. Back when I was in middle school I just moved to Florida and moved away from all my friends in California. I had to start all over and you know how mean kids can be. Well on top of that I knew I was gay. For anyone out there struggling being gay and young, it gets better. I mean WAY better. You’ll actually enjoy being gay and yourself when the time comes. You’ll look back and think “Why the hell did I ever think about suicide?” I did this and am very happy that I did. Keep your friends close; they’ll be everything to you in the future.

Did tell someone else before you told your parents you were gay?

I told almost everyone I knew I was gay before my parents. It’s not that I had a good environment. Believe me, where I life, it’s not that good to be gay. But you grow up and learn that what everyone thinks doesn’t really matter. Coming out is one of the most important parts of a gay person’s life because it’s finally realizing who you are and what you’re going to be the rest of your life. No matter who crosses your path?

Have you ever felt discrimination or been a witness to homophobia?

I’ve been very fortunate to not have been discriminated against. (Nocks on wood) I have met many homophobic people. But what you have to realize is that not everyone is the same. If it were, this world would be a hell-of-a-boring place to be. There are different cultures and that’s what makes the world go round.

We need to make the change and it takes time. Are you thinking to become involved in gay rights maybe trough your web site and writing as journalist?

Oh gosh yeah. I am very proactive on gay rights on my website. I give props to celebrities who fight for gay rights (like Kevin Pereira), videos about gay rights and more. I would love to be a part of a gay rights movement in my community the next time I hear of one.

That would be great Troy. Finally what would you like to tell our readers?

Enjoy life as much as possible. As they say, it’s way to short, so live it up. Find ways to improve your life. I do this all the time and have since started working out, looking for more ways to increase my wealth and have started researching adoption. I encourage you all to voice your opinion no matter what others say. And don’t forget to come visit me at www.afagandhishag.com!

GayAgenda 2008 - Top 10 Interviews

GayAgenda.com, only launched in July, but we’ve covered a lot of ground.  We wanted to give you a list of top viewer rated interviews from the year.   Thanks for a GREAT debut in 2008 and we look forward to serving the entire LGBT and Straight Gay-Friendly community in 2009 and for many years to come.  Make GayAgenda.com your first stop for the latest in news and events that affect the LGBT community and far beyond!

Here are our TOP 10 interviews for 2008!  Click on the links to read the stories!

GayAgenda Interviews John Amaechi

GayAgenda Meets Barney Frank

GayAgenda Interviews Out Ivy-League Athlete, Jamal Brown

GayAgenda Interviews Meghan Chavalier from Stopping the Hate

An Interview with Levi Poulter

GayAgenda Speaks with Super Cute Kurt Wild

GayAgenda Interviews Bryan Watson: Founder of the Wanda Alston House

GayAgenda Interviews OUT & HOT Hip-Hop Artist Bry’Nt

GayAgenda speaks with Damon Humes

GayAgenda Interviews KJ Denhert - Out, Lesbian, Jazz Artist

We had plenty of other great interviews too, so make sure you check them out, and again keep your eyes open for what’s to come in 2009!

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