Lessons from the Netherlands on Marriage

There’s a great interview on the NY Times with M. V. Lee Badgett, the director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law & Public Policy at the UCLA School of Law and a professor of Economics at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. Badgett is also the author of “When Gay People Get Married: What Happens When Societies Legalize Same-Sex Marriage,”

The interview was conducted by Lisa Belkin, who also wrote a great piece on the effect of gay marriage on children (click here).

In the Netherlands, same sex marriage has  been legal for over a decade, and they had civil unions prior, which is why Badgett chose to study relationships, and the effects of marriage equality there.

The findings, probably not so surprising to most of us who don’t oppose equality, are of significant importance as it demonstrates the importance of equality and inclusion for the LGBT community, as well as demonstrates how the myths of churches being sued for not performing gay marriages are…well, myths. It also shows how society generally acclimates to having a minority, previously discriminated against, included as equals, I would say much like how white society has given full acceptance and includes, in many regions, people of color, after the federal mandates of the Civil Rights movement took effect.

I think it clearly demonstrates what we, as a people have seen happen historically when “a minority” is discriminated against, then included as equals in society.  Some opposition will remain, but a relatively small amount, and most importantly, those discriminated against, finally feel part of the society that originally rejected them.

I strongly encourage you to click the link above and read the entire interview, but there’s one question and answer I want to specifically point out.  The reason, perhaps obvious I am pointing this out, is the claim by a large percentage of those in opposition to same-sex marriage that if allowed, it will somehow subtract from their marriage:

Q. What is the “take away” for those who are debating these questions in the U.S.?

A. The big point is that all of the evidence suggests that same-sex couples will fit right into our current understanding of marriage in the U.S. Marriage itself will not be affected. Dutch heterosexuals appear to have adapted to the legal change by changing how they see same-sex couples, not how they see marriage. Now they see gay couples as people who should get married, and they are happy to remind their gay and lesbian family members of that fact!

I remember when President Obama was elected, Whoopie Goldberg made a comment that has stuck prevalently in my mind.  She said something to the affect of, “I know I’m an American, and I’ve always felt like an American. But now, I feel like I can put my bags down.”

I am a proud American.  I love my country, even though, those like Maggie Gallagher boastfully tout a majority of Americans don’t accept me, or any other LGBT person.  I love a country that rejects me.  I love a country that keeps me as a second-class citizen.  I love a country that demands my tax dollars, yet allows tax-exempt organizations to fight against my equality.  I love a country where I was born, yet because of who I love, refuses to give me the same rights that a majority of it’s citizens take for granted.  I too am an American…and proud to be part of this great nation, yet because of the anti-gay movement, based on religious ideology and not fact, I too am waiting to put my bags down.